


Kill them all

by chenziee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, POV Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:32:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2691356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenziee/pseuds/chenziee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren tells the story of how his relationship with Levi begun, and how it ended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kill them all

**Author's Note:**

> I never know what I should tag to not give everything away... (-_-;;)
> 
> On another note, I just think you should know I hate the title with passion. I've been hating it ever since I came up with it 9 months ago, but you gotta work with what you have... (ㅠ_ㅠ;;)

_“I’ll kill them all.”_

It all ended with that one sentence.

And it all began with that one sentence, too.

_“I’ll kill them all.”_

I despised the titans so much. They had forced all of humanity into a bloody cage. They killed so many people for no reason. They killed my mother. They killed more of my friends than I wanted to count. I really wanted to make them all disappear. Personally.

_“I’ll kill them all.”_

Heichou said he found me interesting ever since the first time we’ve met in the underground prison where I was held after my titan-shifting abilities came to light. He came to see me with Erwin Danchou. When he asked me what I wanted to do, that sentence was what I answered. And I meant it.

But back to the point; Levi said he was impressed by my spirit. At that point in time, I was already locked in there for god-knows-how-many days. At that point in time, I’ve already seen hell – twice, actually – and I still wanted to go and face those things outside the walls. To be honest, I was more fired up than ever back then.

He said it was my eyes that intrigued him. So full of anger, of killing intent, almost maniacal. I became so embarrassed after I heard that... When I imagined myself with the look Hanji sometimes has... I just wanted to go and cut my wrists or something. But then I realized I would heal right away, so I dropped the idea since it was kind of pointless.

_“I’ll make them disappear.”_

Later, during the infamous 57th catastrophic expedition, when he said I _was_ actually a monster but _not_ because of the shifting thing... When he added it was because I just wouldn’t yield to anyone no matter the circumstances, I was... Happy? Proud? I can’t really tell. I’m not even sure if he meant it that way, I never asked, it’s just that it felt like the best compliment I’d ever gotten in my whole life.

_“I’ll destroy them.”_

As time went by and we’d gotten to know each other better, I felt something in me slowly change. I could tell what I felt for Heichou was no longer only respect and admiration, but I didn’t understand what it was in actuality. My heart would beat like crazy every time he’d praise me, I’d be depressed for hours, days even, when he’d tell me I was hopeless at something, I’d even find his obsessiveness with cleaning _cute!_ I was so confused. In the end I decided to consult Armin, the 104 th Trainees Squad’s exclusive genius and, conveniently, my best friend.

I never told him who I was talking about but I think he knew anyway. He did have that annoying knowing look...

Was I really _that_ obvious?

Anyway, that’s how I was told I was in love with Heichou. With a guy and my superior.

Just great.

I was shocked, but then again, I kind of wasn’t. Guess I somehow knew by instinct – just not wanting to admit it.

The problem was that after I accepted it, it had gotten so much worse; I practically couldn’t function when he was in my line of sight.

I came to the conclusion I had to tell him after this one little incident that happened during the first expedition we went to after I became conscious of my love for Heichou.

It was crazy. No, that’s not right. The expedition went smoothly (as smoothly as an expedition can go), it’s just that I thought _I_ ’d go crazy. I couldn’t focus at all. I was so worked up by the thought that something might happen to him – even though I logically knew I should worry more about myself, since the chance of Levi getting a single scratch was way lower than the chance of me screwing-up and losing one or two or _all_ of my limbs in the process – if not dying.

I just couldn’t go on like this. I _needed_ to tell him. I had nothing to lose. He might already know either way with the way I was acting around him. So I, being the ‘idiotic little brat’ I am, actually went and confessed.

He stared at me for a short while that felt like eternity before shooting me down with a simple ‘No way’. Can’t say I was surprised. I knew something like this would happen. I knew it. But it still hurt.

I told him he didn’t have to worry about it, that I just wanted him to know, that I didn’t expect anything.

It wasn’t a lie but I still kind of hoped...

_“I’ll obliterate them.”_

I was rejected but thankfully Heichou didn’t change his attitude towards me. Neither of us mentioned anything about it and we carried on as usual, as if nothing happened. I can say I was sort of content with things being that way.

Yes; I still loved him and he didn’t love me back. Sure, I was sad. But at least he didn’t hate me either. That was enough.

_“I’ll eradicate them.”_

“You know why you’re here, don’t you?”

“Yes sir.” There was no reason to lie. I knew all too well why I was there.

This happened after a training a few weeks after my confession.

Everything went great, our teamwork was perfect. Everyone knew each other well enough to read exactly what they would do. Until someone, I didn’t even register who it was, missed the tree they wanted to use as base for their 3DMG. As a result they crashed right into Levi, whose 3DMG got ripped out of _its_ tree. And suddenly all I could see, all I was conscious of, was Levi falling. I abandoned everything; the only thought echoing in my head was that I had to catch him before he fell completely. I could hear Mikasa shouting something at me, but I ignored her and bit down into my hand that I didn’t even realize I’d raised to my lips already, and in a matter of seconds I reached with one big, inhuman hand for Levi.

(Long before I could even try to catch him though, Levi was already back in the air. I’m still unsure whether I’m happy about that or not.)

I’m not allowed to shift unless absolutely necessary. I’ll get yelled at. But at least Levi’s safe. I’m satisfied.

So here I was, called into Heichou’s office a mere hour after getting back. (That hour was purely for Heichou to take a thorough shower. I took one myself, too, even though I was so nervous and tired I could barely move, since I wanted to please him. And mainly, I didn’t want to make my case even worse than it already was by being dirty in Levi’s clean-freakish presence.

“Why did you do it?”

I had to avert my eyes from his piercing gaze. “Uhm, well... I don’t really know why... When I saw you falling, I just... I know I shouldn’t have shifted but I couldn’t stop myself.” I looked back at him and firmly added, “But I don’t regret it, sir, so I’ll accept any punishment you give me.”

He stared into my eyes as if looking for something. After a long, long while he sighed. “Is that really it?”

“Yes.”

He sighed again before turning around, looking out of the window absentmindedly. Then he asked me something I really wasn’t prepared for, “Do you seriously love me this much?”

I was speechless. I gaped at him in shock before answering, still confused, “Well... Sure I do... I thought I’d told you that already? Moreover...” I paused and blushed a little, “I was told I was very obvious about it...”

Heichou chuckled. I felt a tug in my chest at that sound. That was the very first time I actually heard Levi laugh. “I can’t say you aren’t. Sorry.”

I blushed harder and silence followed. Not an awkward one but not a comfortable one either.

When Levi sighed for the third time, I didn’t think it could mean anything good.

“Fine. Since it seems the situation I wanted to avoid can’t be avoided either way, I guess I can accept you.”

Silence. Stunned silence. And more silence.

Heichou waited patiently for me to process what he just said.

“E-Excuse... me?” I got out of myself with some trouble after I recovered a little.

“I’m not gonna repeat myself. Take it or leave it.”

“But, sir! You rejected me before!” I really couldn’t understand what was going on.

He sighed again. (I think he was going for some kind of record; like ‘the number of sighs you manage in a single conversation’ or something.) “Listen brat, being in a relationship is one of the most stupid things to do on a battlefield. The reason being _exactly_ what you demonstrated today so spectacularly. Do you even realize how lucky it is that no one got hurt or, better yet, killed as a result of your shitty emotional judgment? For example, your sister who tried to stop you and barely managed to move out of the way? However, since it seems it doesn’t matter at this point, we might as well just go ahead and do it. And besides... I thought I was a little too old for a little brat like you. But you don’t seem to care...”

I felt tears welling in my eyes. It was out of happiness as well as something completely different. I was so overwhelmed by the emotions I finally collapsed on the floor, half crying, half in the middle of a laughing fit.

“...What the fuck are you doing...?” I heard Heichou ask with amazement in his voice over the weird, hysteric sounds I was making.

I tried to calm down so that I could at least talk, but gave up after a few failed attempts and answered anyway, “S-Sorry... I’m... I’m just s-so happy, but... that... that... that was so cliché!” When I finished I burst in laughter full-force again.

I saw him roll his eyes and I have a feeling he even smiled a little. I’m not really sure but let’s just think he did.

“Whatever. You’re still getting punished.”

I stopped laughing immediately and instead I pouted. Puppy eyes and all that.

It didn’t help.

“Don’t you even try that shit. Didn’t you just say you’d accept any punishment?” he smirked at me.

But, well, at least I didn’t get yelled at.

And now he was _my_ bastard.

_“I’ll annihilate them.”_

When we were together for a month, I decided to tell Armin and Mikasa. After I stopped talking, Mikasa got up and left without a word, just carefully hiding behind her scarf. I stared after her in confusion. I looked at Armin looking for help. “Umm, what was that? I don’t think that was her angry reaction...”

“Broken heart.”

“Huh?”

And that’s how I found out my step-sister liked me. I felt really bad about it but what could I do?

Sure. I did love her as well. As a _sister_. And that’s just a bit _too different_ kind of love. I loved Levi and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Understandably, our relationship has never been the same after that.

_“Each and every one of them.”_

Nonetheless, nothing lasts forever. Especially the happy things have to come to an end way sooner than we’d like them to.

Our end happened all too soon, only 8 months after our beginning, with yet another expedition. (Yes, another. Because, you see, we are the Survey Corps. That’s what we _do_.)

And, you know, what’s a more fitting ending for a fairy-tale-like love story than a tragic, bloody death?

No one could do a thing. Even Levi himself couldn’t prevent it by doing something differently. It was inevitable.

A small deviant titan was hiding within one of the ruins in the town we were passing through. Nobody saw it and nobody _could_ have seen it; it was completely in our blind spot. Levi was just the unlucky one whom it decided to attack. It could have been absolutely anyone.

It could have been me. It could have been Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Hanji, Erwin Danchou, or someone whose name I don’t even know.

But it was none of those people. It was Levi.

And as I was riding right behind him (no more than two horse lengths behind as usual), I had gotten the front row seat to watching Humanity’s strongest soldier get kicked hundreds of meters away, along with his horse, by a giant foot, breaking a few walls on the way, before anyone could react. It happened too fast; too out of nowhere.

As a result, I totally blacked-out. I have absolutely no idea what actually happened after that – what _I_ _actually_ _did_ after that, but I guess I shifted and went a little crazy. I do remember lots of blood...

In the end I understand I managed to kill a bunch of titans and severely injure a bunch of people before Mikasa, Erwin Danchou and Hanji cut me out – I was so out of control they had to do it together.

In the process I lost both legs and both arms – but I still kept my head so, just as Heichou predicted, they have grown back, and I have my body whole by now, with all the parts I should have.

If I don’t count the big part of my heart that was Levi. That one will never grow back.

_“There won’t be a single one left.”_

“Eren Jaeger is, without a doubt, not in a stable state of mind. Because of that he is unable to be of any more use to the Recon Corps’ activities. Moreover, Levi Heishichou and his squad, who were supposed to keep him in check, are no longer able to do so since they were all killed in action.

“After taking all this into account, I have decided to have the Military Police take Eren Jaeger into their custody and do with him as they see fit.”

_“I’ll kill them all.”_

I despise the titans so much. They have forced all of humanity into a bloody cage. They killed so many people for no reason. They killed my mother. They killed more of my friends than I want to count. They killed my lover. They killed ‘me’. I really want to make them all disappear. Personally.

_“I’ll kill them all.”_

It all began with that one sentence.

And it all ended with that one sentence, too.

_“I’ll kill them all.”_


End file.
